“How many fingers am I holding up?”
1. People are constantly asking to try on your glasses to see if it will “make them dizzy.”
2. And then the second they get them on, they ask, “How do you see with these things?”
Damn! Of course! All this time I thought I had terrible vision, but I guess it was just because of these stupid glasses! You have changed my life!
3. When you take them off, people ask you things like, “How many fingers am I holding up?”
How about you? How many fingers do you see?
4. You know this doesn’t actually do anything other than just spread around the grime.
5. And only those special microfiber cloth things can actually get them clean.
6. For some reason, when they’re super dirty it doesn’t bug you, but when there’s just one little spot, it’s the worst thing in the world.
And you can’t put into words how hard it is to look at this image.
7. Occasionally, it seems like people just suddenly notice that you wear glasses, and they’ll say something along the lines of, “Have you always worn glasses?”
No, don’t be stupid. Just for the last 17 years.
8. Or if you’ve changed your glasses recently.
Yeah, in 2004.
9. When you take them off, you understand exactly how Clark Kent feels, because the whole world acts as if you were a completely different person.
10. Have you noticed that “watching TV” and “laying on your side” are two concepts that don’t go well together?
11. You hate watching movies in 3D.
12. You’ve turned the house upside down looking for a pair of glasses that are on your head.
And you’ve only noticed when you take them off because you’re so tired from looking.
13. You’ve also lost a pair that you still think must be in a parallel dimension, because you have no idea where else they could have ended up.
And then there are others that showed up in the glove box three years after you lost them.
14. But you know you’ll never lose the pair that have survived several operations.
You don’t want anybody to see you in them, but they’re one of your most cherished possessions.